Non-Attachment vs. Detachment

“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.” – Zen saying.

Article By Andi

This to me has been an important concept lately, keeping in mind that we are always talking to ourselves anyway, right? So whats the difference? Being Non-attached means being detached, right? Not exactly, or at least not the way I see.

When I am detached from something, I do not care, at all… meaning I do not feel LOVE toward the situation, event, person, etc. I feel NOTHING at all. When I am detached from something, it is almost more of a defense mechanism to protect myself than a spiritual fruit of my practice. Anyone no matter how far along their path can feel detached… its built into the framework of the ego to detach in order to protect us. This is indifference, hidden anger, aloofness.

Non-Attachment however is filled with love. It is filled with action. When I am non-attached I am still 100% involved. I am loving and giving and still put in everything I would put in if my life depended on it, but I am not attaching to a particular outcome. It does not need to end a certain way in order for me to be happy. This is like loving someone and giving them all the love you have to give, while not expecting any in return. It is giving that seminar lecture on A Course In Miracles even if no one shows up other than your mom. It is working hard at whatever you are doing in that moment, regardless of what will come of it.

For me there is a huge difference in my energy between the two. Now sometimes I’m detached, and other times I am embracing non-attachment. Its important to clarify when we are allowing the ego to create defenses that push us further away from love, and when we truly are practicing non-attachment, present, ready and willing. When we are detached, we generally are not showing up at all. We don’t give in our relationship, we don’t show up to the lecture, we do nothing. Essentially we have given up… and not necessarily given up on things we are working towards, but given up our dedication to love.

I often will say in response to a friends ramblings about how this person did this or that, or how this situation ended this way or that way, that they just need to let it go. The pretty standard response I hear I would say nearly 100% of the time is “I know and I have let it go BUT…” Umm yeah? Hello? It’s like they aren’t even hearing what they just said. Oh how attached we are to our story. Forget about letting go of our attachment to outcomes, lets start by letting go of our story that created the attachment to that outcome.

Now if you aren’t familiar with The Work of Byron Katie, I highly suggest purchasing the audiobook of “Loving What Is.” The audiobook has the dialogues on it, so I cannot stress enough that the book will do little for you without listening to her live with people. I will be dedicating a blog to her soon, but for now, I think that it will help to just ask yourself how attached are you to your role? What outcomes does this role bring you to attach to?

I think its important to start for us to really learn to be honest with ourselves. This is not easy to do, as with you heard with the “I have let it go BUT…” We trick ourselves into thinking yeah I don’t really care BUT I mean did you see what he did to me? Or whatever it is. Maybe take a moment and do Byron Katie “Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet” or just write down statements you are feeling or thinking about a situation, a person, an event, and ask yourself if this is coming from a place of Love or fear. What about ourselves or our chosen roles have attracted this situation to us? What can we learn from this? Or even better what HAVE we learned from this?

Focus on the good things, the grand things that did happen in that situation. Maybe you learned how to make better decisions, or to trust your intuition. Look deeply and be honest. Write it down and try to view it as though a friend were saying these things. Bring the emotion out of it and ask yourself what you need to do, personally, in order for you to let this go? By letting in the positives of people or situations, by focusing on the good aspects of it, we can easily let it go because we are coming from that place of love. Fear holds on, love sets free. Think about that for a minute.

- This was an old article I wrote. Just adding some content here =)